On spiritual paths towards letting go of our small sense of selves and move towards something bigger, a group of us ended the calendar year, bringing in the new with an inspired sounding of 108 bells. Big ones, little ones, loud and soft ones. Sounds to let go of feelings, habits and complexes that bring about pain and fear. Sounds to stand and face what is difficult and usually averted. And now in the quiet and dark I feel an ease, a soft reminder that this moment is a miracle, a most wonderful moment. That fleeting moment passed, a new, just as miraculous one, appears. Within a breath or two of having a negative thought arise it is possible to again come back to the truth of what is happening, at least within my extremely limited experience and view of world. But hey, it’s all I’ve got. Another moment of wonder. Sky dark, moon and stars shining.
With heart open, forgiveness and compassion arises for my self and others. An open heart allows life’s fleeting beauty to shine clearly, even if just a flickering moment. But to grasp at least flickering moments is wonderful. Best doing it now, before my own light blows out. Yet, it’s interesting how quickly the mind forgets to pay attention; to experience the beautiful wonder of life. Just like that a negative thought or feeling arises despite all the wonderful conditions of happiness that are already present. Breathing, check. Seeing, check. Physically comfortable, check. But because I’ve been hurt by certain people or in certain places, seeds of hurt can easily be watered and manifest into pain, even if it happened long ago. A past that keeps playing on my personal, internal movie screen. The movie is not really there, yet it produces real feelings and more thoughts. Visions of the future appearing on my mystical crystal ball. Mindfulness brings stopping, breathing and watering personal flowers with appreciation. Accepting regret for mistakes, the constant parade of mistakes. Forgiving those who hurt me. Recognizing their hurt, and how they believe that they are victims, which coerces them to behave as a victim. May they feel loved. May they be well, may we all be well and happy.
And as a living being I’m affected by what is happening now in the world of people, animals, plants and minerals around me. There’s a collective awareness we have lived through another year of extreme weather — from the melting of the Arctic to Superstorms. “Woo ah, mercy mercy me (the ecology), Ah things ain’t what they used to be, no no”(Marvin Gaye). Unwise leaders have pushed society to the edge of a fiscal cliff and most certain worsening economic hardships. People no longer able to contain generations of suffering, committing acts of meanness, such as throwing out a loved one as if they were trash, or even the most unthinkable acts of destruction with weapons. Oh, and I’m not even ready to think about what is going on in other societies across the globe. Back to the in-breath and realizing conditions of happiness exist alongside endless suffering. Peace and calm existing inside, with my breath for this moment. And with this moment I send out Happy New Year 2013.
As a personal aspiration I’ve written a song to help bring about feelings of safety. To move towards fearlessness. To recognize our interbeing nature. To responsibly face life’s difficulties with grace and dignity. A wish for a more beautiful future. My music video, “I Feel Safe with You Here”. Thanks to Adrienne, Elise, Lyn, Patty, Polly and Sharon for singing with me.